We, The Government, are Wasteful, Fraudulent, and Abusive: Therefore we must GROW government and increase Waste, Fraud, and Abuse!
A guest editorial by the sponsors of Senate File 50, “Government Waste, Fraud, Abuse, and Whistleblower Protection”
Sens. Tom James (R-Rock Springs), Bo Biteman (R-Ranchester), Anthony Bouchard (R-Cheyenne), Tim French (R-Powell), Troy McKeown (R-Gillette), and Tim Salazar (R-Riverton), and Reps. Bill Fortner (R-Gillette), Dan Laursen (R-Powell), and Rachel Rodriguez-Williams (R-Cody)*
We, The Government, declare The Government to be wasteful, fraudulent, and abusive—and in order to fulfill our duty to God and Country, we will grow the Government and increase waste, fraud, and abuse to prove it!
We present to you our gift, Senate File 50, the pinnacle of Government Waste, the epitome of self-serving legislation, the foremost example of bloviating buffoonery these fine marbled Capitol halls have ever seen. You are welcome!
As the foremost experts in Government Waste, Fraud, and Abuse—we were, after all, at the forefront of wasting the time of the poor folks at the Legislative Service Office in drafting this bill and even forcing an entire “special” legislative session to do absolutely nothing!—we bravely hold ourselves up as the first examples to be referred for appropriate action under this bill!
Let our courage in outing ourselves as perpetuating Government Waste, Fraud, and Abuse serve as an inspiration to everyone—out yourselves! Show your waste!
Just plain don’t like the look of the guy down the hall? Just submit his name to our new secret informer system and he shall never again be employed by The Government!
But, dear readers, should your colleagues in Government not prove to be as Courageous and Brave as we, have no fear! You, yourself, can out them—you, yourself, can be brave!
Don’t like the book your fellow teacher has purchased for her classroom? Snitch! Send her to be investigated by the Department of Education AND the Department of Audit—such a good use of Government funds!
Jealous that your office coworker has a better desk than you? Tattle! Invent some tale of corruption, and send that snooty coworker to the Attorney General for investigation and that nice desk will soon be yours!
Just plain don’t like the look of the guy down the hall? Worry no more, for we have invented a way for you to be rid of him—just submit his name to our new secret informer system and he shall never again be employed by The Government!
But do not wait, dear Wyoming residents, for us to root out government waste—there is one more way for you to do it yourself!
Do your duty to God and County—do your duty in rooting out Government Waste, Fraud, and Abuse: Register to Vote! And come the 2022 elections, vote us out!
Because We ARE the Wasteful Government!
*This is satire and may not actually be written by us.